Sunday, 21 April 2019

WHY I DON'T SEND PARAGRAPHS TO MEN ANYMORE

why i don't send men paragraphs angry texts relationship

Have you ever sent a paragraph to a guy? Out of anger, or upset, or frustration? Same. Many times.

When I was with my (quite frankly) abusive and cheating, ex-boyfriend, I found myself sending him paragraph after paragraph as to why he should treat me better over the year or so that we were together. I would say "why" and "my friends don't get treated like this" or "you're hurting me when you do this" and whatever else I could type through my tears or anger. And not once did he listen. He wasn't stupid, I mean, he was, but also he could clearly understand that he was hurting me when he constructed his replies, consisting of gaslighting or even just ignoring it or blocking me for 3 hours.

The thing is, men don't care. They are very aware of who they are, how they treat us, and the effort that they make. They're so aware that it actually hurts how blind we can sometimes be in terms of making excuses for them.

You know what the guy is doing when he skims over the dissertation you send? 
He's waiting for FIFA to load.

I recently found myself seeing a guy who never bothered to text me - I'm talking 6-10 hours between texts. I kept waiting for him to put some kind of effort in aside from texting the monkey emoji face or whatever else he sent me. I can't even recall any of his conversations because they were that boring. But yes, I did in fact almost call 999 to take me to A&E because my back was BREAKING from carrying the conversation.

The thing is, men can be confusing, I know this. When he is being great in person, but shitty over texts.. it's confusing and makes you angry. For me, I needed the communication that the man I was seeing previously wouldn't give me. He-llo. I want the attention. But alas. I won't settle and feel bad about wanting that from someone. If he is playing the game AND acting dumb when you point out an issue, just duck. Duck out so fast. Then date his Dad. (KIDDING)

I thought to myself in my previous situation, 'maybe I'm not doing XYZ or maybe I'm being too XYZ' .. but the truth is, men will make the effort if they want to be with you. I cut things off with the guy and stopped replying. It felt great. Honestly. It feels good to reclaim your time and just ghost outta there.

A year ago, I would have chased. Now? Nah. Goodbye hun.
But knowing your worth is important.

If a man hurts you, he knows what he has done. Unless he is blind, and can't see that he did, in fact, whack a pole into your head by accident, he knows.

I decided a while ago that I don't want to ever be someone that has to send a man a paragraph detailing why he should put in more effort or do the right thing by me. Because the right man will never have to be told. And honestly? Men hear you the first time. The right man will come correct and impress you. They won't play any kind of game.

I think it takes personal growth to get to this stage. I have been very naive to a man in the past, so when I date now, I try to weed out the guys who show red flags. Sometimes my male friend will say "wtf are you doing" 3 weeks before I realise myself which is quite cool. It's almost like guys know what guys are like. Magic.

Love always,
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